a merry christmas, a manten, and a misanthropic mindset

I’ve definitely been slacking on keeping everything up-to-date, sorry. It’s intimidating when I read my friends’ blogs and they’re all so articulate and witty and entertaining. But I owe it to my legion of loyal followers…all 7 of them.

I occasionally type when I’m feeling frustrated or angry or sad or…you get the point. So this is a compilation of some of those moments, bits from emails to friends and family, and recounts of other significant events which have taken place over the last few weeks, in the format of an emotional roller coaster, and a somewhat lengthy one at that.

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My Festive Holiday Decor Complimented by Mosquito Net

Christmas Eve: taught a pronunciation workshop at a small university in Madura with Scott and Truong. They say the grass is always greener...I couldn’t help but fall in love with Scott’s family and setup, and reflect on all the negatives from mine. I know he has his frustrating moments as I do, but I felt immediately welcome with his family, and the little girls were too adorable. I’m sure both he and I would be content exchanging host siblings for a few months. It seems as if his school has more need for a volunteer, and it was so refreshing to be within walking distance of endless rice paddies and dirt paths. There were no criticizing or sexist remarks from anyone in his family, and I now know firsthand the complete bliss of wearing and sleeping in a sarong. Thank you Madura for being so wonderful.
Christmas Day: spent the day in Surabaya with the other volunteers. Had a nice little Secret Santa with a handmade paper tree and snowflakes, and an amazing video skype date with my parents and brother! Travis’ mom made pillow cases for each of us and embroidered our group name and year on them. Then we headed over to a staff member’s house for an incredible meal, with real cheese, raw vegetables, garlic bread, and an endless supply of homemade cookies. Pretty fantastic spending the day with everyone and eating delectable foods. But I had a commitment early the next morning back at site, so while everyone else stayed in Surabaya for the night, I returned home full and content.

The PCV Lounge in Surabaya before Secret Santa

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December 26, 2010: Maggie and the Mantenan

By 6:30 a.m. I was in full makeup, fake eyelashes and all. I had fresh flowers in my hair, perfectly placed by one of the pria-wanita (transgender) who was beautifying everyone.

After the Makeup with One of My Students

I had agreed to be a terima tamu or ‘guest greeter’ at Bu Iva’s (a teacher at my school) daughter’s manten or wedding, but wasn’t quite sure what that entailed. I was excited nonetheless, for I had a new tailor-made outfit in green (my favorite color) and I got to be behind the scenes for my first Javanese wedding at site.

Bu Iva, Bu Maggie, and the other Terima Tamu

The bride was absolutely striking. She had a minimum of 3 people working on her at any given moment before the rituals started- makeup, nails, hair, clothes, fresh flowers being sewn directly onto her dress…an amazing sight to behold. Throughout the day she changed her elaborate gowns four times, carefully assisted by the same women from earlier that morning.

The Preparation of the Bride

Javanese weddings last all day. So for close to 14 hours it was my responsibility to help greet every person that walked through the flower archway, have them sign the guest book, lead them towards the food and the bridal couple, pass out a snack box as they exited 20 minutes later, and collect envelopes full of rupiah (the local currency) with the name of the giver scribbled across the front.

The Beautiful Bride

It was a long day, but it felt so great to be a part of something so beautiful.

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A little sample of my PC life:

Last semester I started an English Camp for the elementary kids in my village and I primarily help out with the 3rd and 4th graders. Although I’m not always a ‘kid person’ they’ve totally grown on me. They make me smile every time I see them with their cute little backpacks, ready to learn. Last Sunday we learned the body parts then did the Hokey Pokey to practice the new vocab. They loved it! I forgot how much fun it is to be silly and have fun with learning. The ‘fun’ aspect is what’s missing from the Indonesian school system. No creativity. Everything is spoon-fed and critical thinking is a completely foreign concept even to my high schoolers. So, even though my ‘primary assignment’ is a secondary English teacher, it’s much more rewarding teaching these kids skills they can use outside of English and outside of the classroom.

Conversely, last semester was a complete disaster, besides the fact that I now know what not to do. Supposedly everyone’s first semester/year of teaching is a bit tough, but I seemed to struggle a lot. But I have more confidence and more ideas and more enthusiasm this time around. I start an English class for the teachers next week and I’ve convinced my principal to convert an empty room into the ‘English Corner’ with resources for grammar as well as story/short chapter books for leisure reading, English magazines, music and resources for continuing onto university. I’m so excited to start the transformation and my English Club students are stoked and have so many creative ideas- like starting a wall magazine. I’m so proud of them! They just needed an outlet, and although I’m the ‘adult in charge’ they’ve expressed a lot of ambitious ideas for this upcoming semester. 2011 is looking to be a great year!
I don’t think I could ever be a career teacher, but so far this has been an amazing experience despite the occasional rough days.

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Maggie the Misanthrope

I wish I could just blend in some days. I wish I could go for a run and not have the constant stares and catcalls. I wish I could eat in a public place and not have people take conspicuous candid pictures of me with their cell phones. I wish that when I came back to my home I could change into sweats, throw my hair up, and not have to worry about someone I’ve never met stopping by unannounced and expecting me to entertain them, then having them critique my unladylike attire.

I guess I knew that this is what I signed up for. I just thought it would mellow out after the first few months. But I don’t live in the tiny village I’d imagined, where I’ve met everyone and have an established role in the community. A majority of the teachers and students who I have befriended, commute to school and don’t live nearby. In fact, outside of my RT and counterpart, I don’t know any other adults that live less than a 20 minute bike ride away.

So when I am at home, I find myself sometimes shutting myself in my room. Partially because I get so overwhelmed every time I walk outside with the constant calls of ‘hey mister’ and ‘I love you’, and partially because I dread having any interaction with my host father. I’ve taken a break from exploring my community because it’s so taboo for a woman to walk around alone here- I’ve even been approached as a prostitute! So on occasion I’ve withdrawn from being social. I hate the constant critiquing of how I look and how much/what I’m eating and of American culture. I’m so much more patriotic now than I've ever been in my life. I hate constantly being on the defense.

But it’s a new year, and with the New Year, I’m bringing a new attitude and hopes. No more negative thoughts about my host father and brother…or the more tangible resolution of fewer negative thoughts. I’m gonna suck up feeling insecure every time I go outside alone (other than Bu S. there’s no one who has time to go out because they’re all married with children) and embrace that this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I’m going to work on the relationships with the people who don’t judge me based on the color of my skin, and continue to work towards breaking the negative stereotypes about American women. Apparently I’m way more of a feminist than I was back home too.

But to be fair, I’ve had some really wonderful conversations with people I’ve just met, and formed a friendly relationship with the security guards at the ATM I frequent most regularly. I stop and chat with the handful of neighbors I have whenever they come out from behind their gated homes. And the kids are awesome. It’s one of the best feelings winning the admiration of the little munchkins just because I act silly with them. My host mom is great and my students at the boarding house nearby are remarkable. I just need to focus on the positives. I’m a quarter of the way through this crazy escapade!

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My first New Years alone. I was asleep by 9:00. Just like Christmas, it didn’t feel like any special day. I got a bit nostalgic when I talked to Mom and Will on the phone, but I survived, and just knowing that the last 2 digits of the year have changed makes me feel more hopeful. My New Years’ Resolutions:
1. Learn all 93 of the teachers’ names at my school (not easy when they go by at least 3 different nicknames)
2. Travel to a different country
3. Become a better teacher
4. Write a letter a week
5. Improve my Indonesian

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After living in Indonesia…
I’ve come to realize that there are more similarities than differences between the people hear and in the United States.
There are good people and there are bad people. There are people who judge you by the color of your skin, and there are those who don’t. There are people who are tolerant of other religions and cultures, and those who think theirs is the right and only one. There are ignorant people and people who are aware. Regardless of where one is in the world one will consistently be confronted by different personalities. Diversity is a part of human nature.

Up until this point when people ask, “what is your opinion about Indonesian people” I’ve raved about how kind and generous everyone is, and how tolerant they must be to have so many different religions living in peace. Ultimately I’ve realized that the I can’t make a blanket statement about Indonesians, just as they cannot claim that all Americans are…(fill in the blank). I’ve come to realize that some of the people, who are so kind to the foreigner because she has white skin and is believed to come from a background of wealth and privilege, are the same people who pass judgment on others because of their dark skin and financial background. So the people of Papua, who have dark skin, dress differently, and live in bamboo huts are considered lesser by these so-called ‘tolerant’ people, even though they’re all Indonesians. It makes me sick when I hear conflicting declarations from people I deal with on a daily basis. It’s definitely not everyone, and in the U.S. I would simply opt not to associate with these people. Unfortunately, here I have one sleeping in the room next door.

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I love spontaneous excursions to the mountains. The fresh air, endless nature, and cool breeze remind me of Colorado in the summer. But slightly more tropical.



Oh, and I had the most amazing video Skype session with Katie and the girls yesterday. I got a tour of their Big Girl rooms, presents from Santa, and the snow outside. Technology makes a new Peace Corps experience.